wallowing in self pity

lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself wearing millions of layers and hats and blankets and my flatmates patting me on the head lovingly / condescendingly spitting into a cup to avoid the pain of swallowing my own saliva drinking orange juice from a sippy bottle and sucking on spoonsful of manuka honey taking multiple vitamin c capsules despite the warnings of colleagues and blowing my nose into a hankey from my pocket forgetting to take the real drugs even though they are right next to my bed and staying at work until five even though I am allowed and encouraged to go home early there is just to much to do grunting and whining audibly at the wind walking alone in the street and feeling ashamed instantly afterwards but defensive of the need to vocalise my heavy thick full swollen throat and head aching back and heaving lungs turning my whole upper body to look to the side because I am too layered to move my head independently apologising for being so. gross. but needing to be nursed and sympathised with and coddled and told how awful I look because I never get sick and this shouldn't be happening to me it just isn't fair