squinting into the sunset

Last weekend we gave each other boys names, such as Keith, Bruce, Garth, Oliver and Darren. Mine is Rupert, which is, in fact, what my parents were going to call me if I was a boy.

My mother dressed us all as very eclectically and I imagine that as the only boy in the family, little Rupert would have had extra attention paid to his wardrobe. I see Mum dressing Rupert in a Croatian patchwork poncho over a Batman t shirt and raspberry coloured woolen cardigan, tucked into olive coloured corduroy pants held up by patterned suspenders with shiny little red gumboots. I envisage tiny John Lennon glasses, too.

Rupert probably would have been a bit reserved and shy, as you would be after being teased so mercilessly about your clothes at school. I think would have grown up to be adorable to the girls he tutored English Lit 101, especially when he took off his glasses to clean them during class and had to squint a little.

aubergine

I was going to write a post about a conversation I had on the weekend. But it had a slightly depressing undertone and since I slammed my finger in the door this morning, have misplaced my keys since arriving at work, and have a dentist appointment this afternoon, this day feels negative enough already so I'm going to leave that out and just write a list (or three).

In response to Han's things she loved/hated as a child and now hates/loves, here's mine, but food:

Foods I hated as a child but now love:
Zucchini
Stinky cheese
Spicy things

Foods I loved as a child but now hate:
Goody goody gumdrop ice cream
Mint chocolate chip ice cream
Omelettes
Canned spaghetti

Foods I still hate:
Eggplant
Green lollies

when I was a young warthog!

Things I hated when I was little but love now:

1. Olives

2. Seafood

3. Skincare

4. Boys

5. Knickers (wearing of)

6. Hand-me-downs

7. The taste of beer

8. The smell of antique stores

Things I hate now but loved when I was little:

1. The thought of becoming a teenager

2. Playing the recorder

3. Talking on the phone for ages

4. Bike pants

5. Hawaiian pizza

6. Indeed, pineapple on anything savoury

7. Cross country

8. Wearing zinc

In all other areas, my tastes have remained remarkably similar.

nostalgia

I think most children of divorced parents find it incredibly bittersweet to look at photos of their childhood. I know I certainly do. I feel this pulling in my chest when I see photos of us all together. That's not to say it makes me feel terribly sad, but there is an indefinable tugging sensation. I think that when my parents separated, my heart was broken for the first time, and looking at those photos makes it ache a little.

One thing I love about my parents is that even though they are separated now, they were together for a long time before they had children.

At around my age they were married and travelling the world together. When they left New Zealand, my Dad had to hide on the other side of the ship so my Mum's very strict Croatian parents would not know they were going away together. They even worked on a kibbutz in Israel (Mum didn't like it and Dad had to spent a lot of time keeping the other men away from her. Did I mention my Mum is really, really pretty?)

When they returned to New Zealand they lived in a dank little flat in Wellington and my Aunty remembers them dancing in the kitchen together while making pumpkin soup. We've found photos they took of themselves, cheek to cheek, holding the camera at arms length. It makes me feel hopeful, knowing that they were that in love, for that long a time.

I found this picture of my dad with either me or my older sister at the beach. I think its quite lovely. xx